​Parenting column by Sasha Hart, family care manager at Community Family Care, Staunton

Switch off, tune out and enjoy summer without screens

With the summer holiday approaching many parents may be thinking about reducing their children’s screen time.

UK health advice suggests children should have screen free days and two-hour limits on time in front of screens.

It sounds great but the reality of implementing this can be a battle many parents struggle with.

Here’s how to set some boundaries and swap screen time for face time.

Set a good example

Children learn from their parents so if it’s normal to see you on your phone or tablet, they will want to do the same.

Turn off your tech for the same time you expect your children to.

Establish rules

Have family rules regarding screen use and implement times when you have family time and everyone turns off their tech.

Create a family agreement regarding the use of screens/ tech and get everyone involved in coming up with the rules for breaks so everyone is on board as a family.

Use apps to help programme breaks on devices and use consequences such as turning off the internet or power to help enforce breaks.

You may also have a tech box where devices get put during a screen free day. You may also have school rules and weekend rules regarding screens.

Equal devices

The average family has nearly two dozen screens under one roof so they must be treated the same.

Don’t just swap a tablet for TV time. Try to eliminate background TV so children get used to screen free time.

Removal of a device could be a consequence for not following the family agreement.

Be active

Plan what your child views, watch programmes or play games with them and comment on what you’re watching (more interactive).

Screen time can be isolating so have a balance of interaction during time on tech. It can be used as a teaching tool.

Tablets and phones can limit the amount of eye contact shared between children and parents so remember to put down your tech when responding to your child.

Provide alternatives

Creating a weekly schedule based on the idea of one hour of technology use equalling one hour on other activities.

There are lots of alternatives to screen time – relive your childhood fun.

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Community Family Care has teamed up with Gloucestershire Police to help combat domestic abuse.

The charity, based in Staunton, has received a £10,000 grant from The Commissioner’s Fund to run its Art Journal project with young people in the Tewkesbury area who have experienced or witnessed domestic abuse.

Manager of Community Family Care Sasha Hart said the aim was to help young people explore issues around domestic abuse and to promote healthy relationships.

“The aim is to support young people to express thoughts and feelings surrounding domestic abuse and to build resilience to either repeating that behaviour or being able to recognise the signs early on,” she said.

Community Family Care’s Art Journal project was launched in response to the need for effective emotional and mental health support for some young people. It has helped to improve the emotional wellbeing of more than 100 young people in the last year.

The new pilot project, in co-operation with the local PCSOs and Neighbourhood Policing Team, will take a year and involve 12 groups across schools and the local community within Tewkesbury Borough.

“We are very grateful to the Police and Crime Commissioner’s Fund. Domestic abuse is often hidden and difficult to talk about. Many young people who grow up witnessing or experiencing it need help to make sure those patterns of behaviour which they have become familiar with don’t become the only way they know.

“The project offers them a safe and creative way to explore their difficult thoughts and feelings. The longer term aim is to reduce the number of young people entering into unhealthy relationships in adulthood.”

Police and Crime Commissioner Martin Surl said: “There is evidence that a worryingly high number of young people are affected by emotional or mental health problems. It can affect some of them very early in life and continue into their teens.

“Helping young people develop into responsible and productive adults is one of the priorities of my police and crime plan and I am delighted to be able to help The Art Journal Project. It fills a gap in service and offers an original approach to supporting young people who have witnessed violence in the home.”

Community Family Care is a registered charity which supports families all over Gloucestershire. It is part of Community Foster Care, an independent agency which provides foster carers for children all over Gloucestershire.

​Parenting column by Sasha Hart, family care manager at Community Family Care, Staunton.

Exam season can be a very stressful time for everyone in the family.

Getting your child to revise may be a struggle or perhaps they are refusing to even sit the exams.

It is understandable you will want them to do their best, but if you are worried, imagine how overwhelming it might be for them.

As a parent you can help your children by just being there and encouraging them to talk about their feelings and fears.

Here are a few ideas to make exam time that bit more bearable.
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• Make sure they have a comfortable place to work. If this isn’t possible, make it easy for them to go elsewhere – their grandparents’ home or the library.
• Establish a revision routine that suits them which may mean rearranging the family’s schedules and priorities. Remember to include breaks.
• Accept some people can revise better with music or the TV on in the background – we are all different.
• Try to avoid nagging as it can help them lose focus and increase stress levels/ moodiness.
• Remind them it is never too late to study, revise or ask for help.
• Schedule small and frequent rewards for the effort they are putting in. A larger reward of a day out may give something to look forward and a much-needed break.
• Be calm, positive, reassuring and put the whole thing into perspective – if you’re stressed they will be too.

Preparing for an exam 

Make sure you have a clear timetable visible with times and locations.

Encourage children to get all their pens, pencils and equipment ready the evening before and try to get them to go to bed early so they are able to have a restful sleep and encourage them to eat before an exam to maintain concentration.

After the exam

Allow them the opportunity to talk about how they have done while you listen. Encourage them not to dwell on mistakes they think they have made.

When the exams are over plan an event to mark the results, whatever they are, and have some fun with your child.

When children struggle to make friendships it can be tough on the whole family.

Whether it’s the lack of invitations to parties or seeing your child sitting alone in the playground, friendship problems can spark huge anxiety for parents.

It is important to remember your child’s limited friendships are only a problem if your child is unhappy.

Some children are perfectly content having just one friend or spending a lot of time on their own.

Here are some tips to help encourage friendships and deal with problems.

Listen
If your child tells you other children won’t let them play or shares other worries about friendships, listen and accept their feelings. Don’t play down their fears. Acknowledge them and guide them towards solutions.

Avoid labelling
Whether your child is having difficulties with friendships due to being quiet and reserved or overly boisterous and controlling, be careful about labelling your child. Labels such as bossy or shy can be very self-fulfilling and may put your child in a role you want to avoid.

Role model
Children learn from watching others so your behaviour can inadvertently influence how your child interacts with other children. If you feel anxious in social situations, you may find your child is also nervous. Try role modelling to demonstrate how to act in social situations. Skills such as holding a conversation and basic social rules like sharing belongings, being considerate and compromising can all be role-modelled in daily life.

Arrange supervised play dates
It can be easy to avoid having friends over if there are problems but this provides little opportunity for children to practise social skills. Try to invite friends who may help boost skills and supervise play to keep things on track.

Praise positive behaviour
Offer lots of descriptive praise when your child displays social skills you want to encourage, and back these up with rewards if necessary.

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Parenting column by Sasha Hart, family care manager at Community Family Care, Staunton

It is common for children to have disagreements and fall out while playing.

Turn taking and sharing is a skill they need to develop. Problems arise when children do not learn how to problem solve and that can lead to aggressive behaviour frequently occurring whilst playing.

We’ve come up with some simple steps to help.

Explain the rules

Decide on two or three simple rules for playing with others and remind your child before playing – keep hands and feet to yourself or share and take turns.

Rules should act as a reminder for the behaviour you want to encourage, not what you want to avoid.

Encourage positive behaviour

Offer lots of praise when your child is playing well with others. If playing with others is particularly difficult for your child, you may want to reinforce positive play with a reward at the end.

Choose activities to encourage positive play

Some activities promote sharing and turn taking, such as board games and ball games, which can be a great start.

More structured play will help your child to remember the rules as free play can be chaotic, particularly if your child struggles with sharing/playing nicely.

Step in before it escalates

Often aggressive behaviour is triggered by children becoming frustrated over not getting their own way.

Children can struggle to articulate what they want and the idea is to help them problem solve before the behaviour escalates.

For example, give them some words to use: “Tom – say ‘Isaac you’ve had your turn, it’s now my turn’.”

What to do if it escalates

Tell your child what you want them to stop doing and what behaviour you want to see instead.

Act as soon as you see it happening. If they do not do as you have asked, give a logical consequence such as removing the item they are fighting over for a set time or take your child for a time out to calm down.

Praise your child as soon as you see them playing nicely again and this will encourage that to continue.

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Community Family Care is seeking some new trustees to join our board, and the board of our sister charity, Community Foster Care.

Our board of trustees is made up of people with a variety of skills, experience and knowledge which helps us to develop, strengthen and grow the services we offer to children, young people and their families. 

We meet three times per year at our Staunton offices and once per year at CFC's office in Lancaster. This is a strategic meeting covering the business and finance aspects of the charities.

Trustees are also expected join a sub-group with which they’d like to engage. Our current sub-groups  include finance, investment, safeguarding and foster children.

If you think your skills could strengthen our board and would like to discuss this exciting opportunity further, please get in touch with our board secretary, Kathy O'Keeffe, on kathyo@communityfostercare.co.uk.

When your child tells you to get them a snack, you’ll probably be tempted to laugh.

It is natural for children to be developing their personality and most go through a phase where they bark out demands and orders.

But it is useful to remember who is in control as your child could quickly become the one calling all the shots.

>> Who is in control?

If you let your child get their own way all the time, you’re in danger of a teenager that is used to getting their own way.

Don’t do what they say just for a quiet life – remind them to make requests in an appropriate manner.

Defuse power struggles by offering as many choices as you can, that way they’ll feel as though they’ve had a say in the matter.

>> Communication

Teach your child how to ask nicely for what they want. Demanding things can be a hard habit to break, so practise phrases your child can use to ask for things politely.

Try role modelling through play if your child particularly struggles.

Good communication skills are an asset, so by developing them you are standing your child in good stead.

>> Attention

Pay less attention to bossy behaviour.

Children love playing to an audience so don’t encourage the behaviour by laughing.

Don’t spend lots of one to one time with your child addressing the behaviour – simply ignore the bossy demand and only respond to the desired behaviour.

>> Friendships

There’s a danger bossiness could affect your child’s friendships.

Supervise play if you feel this may be an issue and take them to one side if you feel they are becoming bossy.

Set rules for play and role model communication skills with your child.

A bossy child is usually an assertive one, and assertiveness can be an asset as your child grows up.

Helping children develop communication skills and see all points of view can transform their bossiness into future leadership skills.

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Community Family Care’s new art project for mums and dads has received an £800 boost.

The grant from the Thomas Wall Trust will enable the Family Care team in Staunton to launch a new art journal project for parents who may be struggling to cope with the demands of family life.

The aim is to help build their confidence and self-esteem by allowing them to explore their thoughts and feelings, using art journals as a coping tool.

The pilot course will run for six weeks in Gloucester, starting in February.

Sasha Hart, Manager of Community Family Care, said the grant would make a big difference.

“Parenthood isn’t always plain sailing and finding yourself unable to cope can bring some mums and dads to a state of near helplessness. We have run art journal courses for children with a lot of success. This grant will enable us to use many of the same techniques to help their parents.

“If the pilot course is successful, we hope to roll out the service across Gloucestershire.”

Community Family Care is a registered charity which supports families all over Gloucestershire.

The Thomas Wall Trust, established in 1920, provides grants to charities active in serving the social and/or educational needs of their communities, especially where a grant can make a real impact in improving the lives of local people.      

​With the festive period over, getting back in the school routine can be a struggle for both children and parents.

The routine you worked so hard to establish can feel like a distant memory after bedtimes and everyday activities have been disrupted, meaning back-to-school can be a stressful experience for all involved.

We’ve put together some tips to help make school mornings less stressful.

Plan ahead 

Prep lunchboxes, PE kits, book bags and school uniforms the night before to avoic dashing around trying to find things and causing additional stress.

It will allow more time in the morning to focus on breakfast, washing and getting dressed.

Check any homework has been completed and placed in school bags the night before. This could avoid an argument in the morning.

Get up early 

Leave plenty of time for everyone to get up and ready.

Think how long it will realistically take to get ready in the morning and give yourself an extra 15-25 minutes to allow for anything that may not go to plan.

Make sure children know what time they need to get up and prompt them in the morning if they struggle.

Structure 

Try to follow the same routine each morning so children know what is expected of them and when.

It will differ among households so sit down with your children and come up with your routine as a family.

Sometimes children respond better to seeing it written down or in pictures and can use it as a checklist.

It also helps parents to give prompts to remind children which step they should have reached.

If children struggle with breakfast, ensure it is at the same time each morning to help them get used to it in their routine.

Giving children small choices about what to have for breakfast will help, such as what jam to put on toast or what kind of cereal they would like.

Getting up in plenty of time will also help breakfast to become a stress-free event.

Review 

If your morning routine isn’t working, review what works and what you find stressful to make adjustments.

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